[ The wave of tension is almost palpable, and Blake flinches, digging her fingers into the grasss. ]
Yes. Well -- the last time I saw them, they were.
[ It's a good question. Her father may no longer be the leader of the Fang, but he's always been a proponent of peaceful resistance. And if his leadership becomes an obstacle to the violence advocated by Adam's faction...
They're not the only ones at risk, either. Her next words come slow, heavy with regret. ]
Sun got hurt, though. He followed me to Menagerie. He was protecting me.
[ Like you, she doesn't say. It would be insensitive, to compare her hotheaded girl with her headstrong boy. To compare the loss of an arm with a flesh wound that healed within weeks. ]
I was really upset, but he said some things to me that made me think.
[It's a weird emotion that grips her when Blake mentions that Sun had followed her, one not unlike how she'd felt when Blake first told her she'd simply gone home. There's the relief that Blake wasn't alone, that someone and a friend at that, had gone after her. To make sure she was alright. At the same time though there's that same feeling of disappointment, and Yang's no less confused as to the reasons than she was the first time.
Even more confusing is the slight dread at what Sun could have possibly said to Blake that would have made her think, but at least that's easier to ignore in favor of her concern.]
...I'm glad he was there. [To protect you.] It...sounds like he recovered okay?
[Of course, she can still carefully tread around asking what it was he said.]
Yeah, he did. [ She shifts uncomfortably. It does feel...a little weird, talking to Yang about Sun. It's the partner thing, isn't it? That she abandoned Yang, but couldn't shake Sun. Not by choice. She'd wanted to be alone. But he'd known she would need help. Still, when he'd been injured on her couch, it had been her teammates that she'd thought of in her grief and longing.
Yang's avoidance of the question is obvious, but Blake presses on anyway. Her words come out stilted, but they do come out. ]
He was okay enough to tell me off for...acting like leaving my friends was a selfless decision. That I was just being a jerk by not letting them help me, and trying to make their choices for them.
[There's a voice in the back of Yang's mind right now that is absolutely screaming at her to say something comforting. She was already reluctant to even broach this subject but this is so obviously difficult for Blake to talk about too; a little reassurance would probably go a long way. At the same time, there's another voice that's reminding her that everything Blake is saying is true, an understatement even. A part of her that's incredulous at the idea that Blake honestly thought she was being selfless just leaving the way she did.
It's getting to the point where it's making her want to pull her hair out in frustration, which says a lot considering how much Yang values her hair. Talking one-on-one with Blake always feels like a Tug of War now, her emotions pulling her every which way until she's more worn down than even a day-long onslaught of monster hunting could make her. And she's not sure how to make it stop. God it's so frustrating-!]
Yeah, well... [Her tone starts off biting, and Yang herself flinches at it, stopping mid-sentence. Taking a deep breath, her entire posture just seems to deflate and when she speaks again, her register is far softer.]
...For what it's worth, you weren't the only one...
[The note of bitterness in that is still audible, but it isn't directed at Blake this time. Yang's shifted her focus back to the bonfire, knees pulled up tightly to her chest as her expression darkens.]
I wasn't exactly a joy to be around after Beacon fell. ...And I took some things out on Ruby that I shouldn't have.
[There will never be a day where she doesn't regret that. No amount of anger or hurt would ever make it okay to her how she'd treated Ruby. How she'd pushed her away.]
So... [Wait, where was she going with that? This isn't comforting at all.] I don't know. Turns out we're both jerks or something, I guess.
[ It is kind of comforting. Not that fact that Yang's perfectly capable of being a jerk, but that she's trying to find common ground, offering an olive branch, no matter how slender. She nods pensively. It doesn't surprise her: Yang's always been one to let her emotions out, unlike Blake herself, who holds it all in. Should she try to offer some words of comfort too? She can't think of anything that wouldn't be a meaningless platitude.
They're way beyond platitudes at this point. ]
She didn't deserve that, but you didn't deserve what happened either...none of us did.
[ A thought occurs to her, something that she should say, and she hesitates for a moment, letting it hover on the tip of her tongue. ]
I don't think I've ever said -- thank you. For coming to my aid. At Beacon. He would have killed me. Or worse.
Even with the warmth of the bonfire, the air around Yang suddenly goes cold. Distressingly cold. Cold enough that her breath is coming out in visible puffs of steam as she takes one shaky exhale after another.
It's not the "thank you". Not at heart anyway. Yang hadn't charged in the way she had for gratitude, not even close, and if that "thank you" is ringing sour in her ears right now, it's only because...she didn't earn it. It's like Ironwood saying she'd fought admirably and should be proud. Yang knows better. She knows exactly what she accomplished in that fight and it was nothing. She saw her best friend get stabbed, all but threw herself at the man responsible, and got cut down in a second. She may not know who got them both out of there but it certainly wasn't her.
The sincerity that Blake just spoke with makes it even worse. Because she just can't believe that either. She'd never pegged Blake to say something she didn't 100% believe in but maybe Blake's changed. ...Yang has, after all.
And it's just another reminder that, more than anything, she'd just needed to see Blake after everything was said and done. Just to know she was okay. Hear her voice again. Even if it was just to chide her for being so so stupid and reckless. Or say goodbye. Anything.
There's a hollow feeling in her chest now and the tremor in her left arm has gotten so bad that she can't quite stop her shoulders from shaking as well. Yang's emotions have been on a roller-coaster and she's reaching the end of what she can handle before either her composure breaks down, her temper slips, or...honestly, she just doesn't even know. When it comes to fight or flight, flight has rarely even been a choice but now...she just can't handle this anymore.]
I...
[She starts and then swallows hard, every muscle in her body tense. She can't just excuse herself and leave without at least acknowledging what Blake said. She can't do that to her.]
...You're welcome. [Her voice is thin...brittle.] ...I'm just...glad you were okay.
[It's the truth. It's also all she can manage. If she stays here and talks about this any longer with Blake, she's going to break and she can't do that. She doesn't want to do that.
With a stilted sort of motion, Yang staggers upright.]
I umm...I think I'm gonna head back awhile. It's getting late...
[ The tremble in the way Yang holds herself is heartbreaking. Blake fights the urge to put a hand over her mouth. What was it she said -- what could have been so poisonous, so painful, that it's once again wrecked the fragile thing they've been rebuilding?
She wants to ask. She can't. She has no right, she reminds herself, after everything... She almost wishes Yang would just explode at her. Yell. Tell her everything she's doing wrong! Anything! Anything but this avoidance, this fear, so unlike Yang. Well. Maybe she doesn't really know what's going on in her teammate's head, any more. Yang's said, over and over, that Blake doesn't need to apologize again, so why, why can't they mend things between them...
She doesn't look at Yang. She can't. ]
Good night, [ she repeats. She'll let Yang go. She'll sit here for a while longer. Lick her wounds and try to figure out what it is that is so wrong about their relationship. Let the flames burn down to embers before she finally struggles to her feet and returns to their room. ]
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Yes. Well -- the last time I saw them, they were.
[ It's a good question. Her father may no longer be the leader of the Fang, but he's always been a proponent of peaceful resistance. And if his leadership becomes an obstacle to the violence advocated by Adam's faction...
They're not the only ones at risk, either. Her next words come slow, heavy with regret. ]
Sun got hurt, though. He followed me to Menagerie. He was protecting me.
[ Like you, she doesn't say. It would be insensitive, to compare her hotheaded girl with her headstrong boy. To compare the loss of an arm with a flesh wound that healed within weeks. ]
I was really upset, but he said some things to me that made me think.
no subject
Even more confusing is the slight dread at what Sun could have possibly said to Blake that would have made her think, but at least that's easier to ignore in favor of her concern.]
...I'm glad he was there. [To protect you.] It...sounds like he recovered okay?
[Of course, she can still carefully tread around asking what it was he said.]
no subject
Yang's avoidance of the question is obvious, but Blake presses on anyway. Her words come out stilted, but they do come out. ]
He was okay enough to tell me off for...acting like leaving my friends was a selfless decision. That I was just being a jerk by not letting them help me, and trying to make their choices for them.
[ Her voice is very small. ]
I was a jerk.
no subject
It's getting to the point where it's making her want to pull her hair out in frustration, which says a lot considering how much Yang values her hair. Talking one-on-one with Blake always feels like a Tug of War now, her emotions pulling her every which way until she's more worn down than even a day-long onslaught of monster hunting could make her. And she's not sure how to make it stop. God it's so frustrating-!]
Yeah, well... [Her tone starts off biting, and Yang herself flinches at it, stopping mid-sentence. Taking a deep breath, her entire posture just seems to deflate and when she speaks again, her register is far softer.]
...For what it's worth, you weren't the only one...
[The note of bitterness in that is still audible, but it isn't directed at Blake this time. Yang's shifted her focus back to the bonfire, knees pulled up tightly to her chest as her expression darkens.]
I wasn't exactly a joy to be around after Beacon fell. ...And I took some things out on Ruby that I shouldn't have.
[There will never be a day where she doesn't regret that. No amount of anger or hurt would ever make it okay to her how she'd treated Ruby. How she'd pushed her away.]
So... [Wait, where was she going with that? This isn't comforting at all.] I don't know. Turns out we're both jerks or something, I guess.
no subject
They're way beyond platitudes at this point. ]
She didn't deserve that, but you didn't deserve what happened either...none of us did.
[ A thought occurs to her, something that she should say, and she hesitates for a moment, letting it hover on the tip of her tongue. ]
I don't think I've ever said -- thank you. For coming to my aid. At Beacon. He would have killed me. Or worse.
no subject
Even with the warmth of the bonfire, the air around Yang suddenly goes cold. Distressingly cold. Cold enough that her breath is coming out in visible puffs of steam as she takes one shaky exhale after another.
It's not the "thank you". Not at heart anyway. Yang hadn't charged in the way she had for gratitude, not even close, and if that "thank you" is ringing sour in her ears right now, it's only because...she didn't earn it. It's like Ironwood saying she'd fought admirably and should be proud. Yang knows better. She knows exactly what she accomplished in that fight and it was nothing. She saw her best friend get stabbed, all but threw herself at the man responsible, and got cut down in a second. She may not know who got them both out of there but it certainly wasn't her.
The sincerity that Blake just spoke with makes it even worse. Because she just can't believe that either. She'd never pegged Blake to say something she didn't 100% believe in but maybe Blake's changed. ...Yang has, after all.
And it's just another reminder that, more than anything, she'd just needed to see Blake after everything was said and done. Just to know she was okay. Hear her voice again. Even if it was just to chide her for being so so stupid and reckless. Or say goodbye. Anything.
There's a hollow feeling in her chest now and the tremor in her left arm has gotten so bad that she can't quite stop her shoulders from shaking as well. Yang's emotions have been on a roller-coaster and she's reaching the end of what she can handle before either her composure breaks down, her temper slips, or...honestly, she just doesn't even know. When it comes to fight or flight, flight has rarely even been a choice but now...she just can't handle this anymore.]
I...
[She starts and then swallows hard, every muscle in her body tense. She can't just excuse herself and leave without at least acknowledging what Blake said. She can't do that to her.]
...You're welcome. [Her voice is thin...brittle.] ...I'm just...glad you were okay.
[It's the truth. It's also all she can manage. If she stays here and talks about this any longer with Blake, she's going to break and she can't do that. She doesn't want to do that.
With a stilted sort of motion, Yang staggers upright.]
I umm...I think I'm gonna head back awhile. It's getting late...
no subject
[ The tremble in the way Yang holds herself is heartbreaking. Blake fights the urge to put a hand over her mouth. What was it she said -- what could have been so poisonous, so painful, that it's once again wrecked the fragile thing they've been rebuilding?
She wants to ask. She can't. She has no right, she reminds herself, after everything... She almost wishes Yang would just explode at her. Yell. Tell her everything she's doing wrong! Anything! Anything but this avoidance, this fear, so unlike Yang. Well. Maybe she doesn't really know what's going on in her teammate's head, any more. Yang's said, over and over, that Blake doesn't need to apologize again, so why, why can't they mend things between them...
She doesn't look at Yang. She can't. ]
Good night, [ she repeats. She'll let Yang go. She'll sit here for a while longer. Lick her wounds and try to figure out what it is that is so wrong about their relationship. Let the flames burn down to embers before she finally struggles to her feet and returns to their room. ]